Just cropdusted the office
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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