dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
