PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize