First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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