I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Randomize