I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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