So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
