The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
