you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
