the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You ate ashes out of my bong
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
