Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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