How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
