There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
