You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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