You're earring is so big in my mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
