Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
