No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
