Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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