I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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