her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
