The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
