I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
