My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
