the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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