This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize