And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
