I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize