there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
