omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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