hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
