I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
