she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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