I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We need to rekindle our bromance
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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