i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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