I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
