Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
