we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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