In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
