Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
