I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize