i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
