..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
