Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
