Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How's work?
Spinning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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