I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
