As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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