Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
