I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
