Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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