Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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