I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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