Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
