the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this just has baby written all over it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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