I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize