i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize