Don't make out with my wife yet
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My feet surprised me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
