you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
