How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
