When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
