wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
