I got chris browned last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
