My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
