Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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