I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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