WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize