You made me cry and you don't even care
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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