video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
