Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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