I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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