just come out here and I will go home with you...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
