I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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