yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
