Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
